True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Damn victory sex feels great
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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