Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
