You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
