its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
