It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize