I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
