porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
