i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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