maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
