dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
