My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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