Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
