I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
