I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
