Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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