buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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