i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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