i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize