how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
