Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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