he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize