Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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