I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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