so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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