you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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