I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
