Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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