I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
