I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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