Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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