i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
