Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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