i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i believe in u and ur pee
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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