Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
