i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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