she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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