i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
