can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
