i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize