All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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