Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
