so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize