Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
