the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
