Only a mothe r could love this liver
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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