so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
