I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
