Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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