escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
