Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
