I skipped work to stalk him.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
