I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
