I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize