fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
