You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He kissed a someone with a penis
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
