If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
