never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
