My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
