He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
