You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
