that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
