Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
