I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
