I wish I only lived at night.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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