He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
