Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
