i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
