i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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