I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
