you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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