So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
