I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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