At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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