Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
