How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
