Your face is a jimmy john
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
