If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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