Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
