Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
