That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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